Wow, it looks like Biden actually agrees with me about something.  I beat him to the punch though...

July 16, 2008
"An Obama win will inspire massive terrorist incursions into Iraq to test the new president's mettle, to the extent that such incursions are still possible.  His previous statements have not gone unheard by the enemy, no matter how many media figures pretend Obama never said them."
-My last blog (been a while...)

October 20, 2008
"Watch. We're going to have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy."
Joe Biden

Biden's worst gaffe yet is, ironically, telling us the truth.  Well, it is the truth up to a point.  But let me cut through the Biden spin.  He's correct about what will happen, but he is lying to you about the why.  The television is a remarkable invention, and while it hasn't been around as long as Biden would have you believe, it has been around long enough for the entire world to adopt their use and recognize the value they have in information gathering. 

Even terrorists "living in caves" have caught the technology bug, and I am fairly confident that most would agree with me when I say they likely have access to at least one television.  So what are they watching?  Something tells me that a guy who is willing to blow himself up for the sake of righteously smiting some infidels is not going to be watching reruns of The Three Stooges, as great a show as that was (violent too).  No, someone who uses the power of terror to affect change in the governments of those they target is going to be keenly interested in how well their strategy is succeeding, as well as which candidate will be the easiest to bully.  That said, time for more quotes..

Obama, November 2004
"[O]nce the decision was made, then we’ve got to do everything we can to stabilize the country, to make it successful, because we’ll have too much at stake in the Middle East. And that’s the position that I continue to take."

Obama, February 2007
“It’s time to start bringing our troops home, that’s why I have a plan that will bring our combat troops home by March of 2008.”

Obama, September 2007
"I hope and will work diligently in the Senate to bring an end to this war before I take office. And I think that it is very important at this stage, understanding how badly the president's strategy has failed, that we not vote for funding without some timetable for this war."

Obama, October 2007
"I will remove one or two brigades a month, and get all of our combat troops out of Iraq within 16 months." (i.e. Summer 2010) "The only troops I will keep in Iraq will perform the limited missions of protecting our diplomats and carrying out targeted strikes on al Qaeda. And I will launch the diplomatic and humanitarian initiatives that are so badly needed. Let there be no doubt: I will end this war."

Obama, September 2008
"the surge succeeded beyond anyone's wildest dreams"

In fairness to Obama, his final (or current) stance of gradually drawing troops down over 16 months has been accepted by the Iraqi Prime minister Nuri al-Maliki.  If current conditions hold, this plan will be just fine.  But Obama has shown himself to be easily swayed by external influence when it comes to this issue.  He has wavered and tailored his position on Iraq to fit each new day's headlines. 

If I'm watching all this from the comfort of my cave, I know that Iraq is fair game again if Obama is elected.  I start to scrimp and save my bombs, train huge waves of terrorists, and start planning a massive "event" in Iraq to trigger one final change in Obama's position.  This is the test to which Biden is referring. 

If his past behavior is any indicator, he will fail horribly.  Why do you think Hamas supports Obama?

This started as a response to the "zombie apocalypse" post, and developed into a creative writing exercise to pass time at work.. enjoy!

I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about this, in great detail.

Step 1 - Wal-Mart run (guns, food, and supplies all in one place). 
Get a shotgun and a sledgehammer or smaller blunt object if that's too heavy.  You do not want a sword or anything sharp or pokey... cut a zombie and its blood goes flying, stab a zombie and it not only doesn't care but it just got that much closer to you.  Blunt instruments let you break bones and get away with minimal blood splash, so these are key.  The shotgun also will help you protect yourself from the scariest of possible scenarios... zombie birds.  Stock up on compact high calorie foods like SPAM, granola, etc.  Don't you touch those low carb items, you'll be getting plenty of exercise.  Throw all of these in a heavy duty backpack.  Also, one of the more important things you can get is a motorcycle helmet, as the visor will shield your eyes from the inevitable blood spatter.  Get as thick a jacket as you can, preferably leather.  If you couldn't bite through it, neither could a zombie.  On the same note, you should wear a few layers of pants if possible.  Try to bite-proof every part of your body.  Pick up some cowboy boots or some other protective foot gear.. you won't make a fashion statement, but you'll be safe from that zombie on the ground that "you could have sworn was dead".  Also get a length of rubber hose and funnel, and as many plastic gas cans as you can stuff into your car.  A portable jump-kit helps, in case your battery dies in the middle of nowhere.  Get a detailed map of every state you visit, and make notes on them as you visit each town.  Remember the world has drastically changed, so everything must now be re-explored.  As for everything else, just pack as you would for a standard camping trip (flashlight, compass, sleeping bag, etc.)

Step 2 - New vehicle (Hummer preferably).
If you already own an SUV, you're ahead of the game.  Get as big a vehicle as you can.  Most roads will probably be blocked with abandoned cars, so off-roading will be necessary, as will zombie-plowing.  Fuel-efficiency will be less important, because you will be siphoning gas from all those abandoned cars at earliest possible convenience, and filling up your gas cans.  Always ensure you have a full tank before attempting to drive through a major city (avoid big cities if you can), as it could take a long time and you will be surrounded by zombies.  As tempting as it might seem, DO NOT get out of your car in a major city unless you desperately need supplies.  Having a large vehicle will also help you transport other survivors.  This will be your home for some months or maybe longer, depending on how lucky you are.  You'll be sleeping, eating, and performing most other major functions in your vehicle.  If you need an oil change, just ditch the car and get a new one.  The last thing you want to do is try to perform any time-consuming maintenance on your vehicle when you can just get a new one and be done with it.  The last place you want to be is underneath your car, hearing the shuffling footsteps of a former human.

Step 3 - Regroup.
The first rule - never take anyone's word that they have not been bitten, especially if they are not properly attired.  As we have seen in movies, the freshly bitten will often go into "zombie denial".  They'll think, "hey, maybe I won't turn".  As such, before you let anyone in your vehicle they should be forced to strip down so you can see they are unbitten.  It's just too risky that someone will turn on you while you're focused on driving.  This obviously doesn't apply if it's a desperate rescue situation, but inspect them at earliest convenience.  The luxurious notion of modesty will have to be sacrificed in this apocalyptic scenario.  In the event they are bitten but not yet turned... take them to a secure location.  Treat them like a human as long as they are still a human!  Only after you are certain they have turned should you pull the trigger and put them out of their misery, otherwise you could be killing someone who can help humanity survive.  Fellow humans, as always, will be the most important resource.

Help your new friend(s) get similarly outfitted to yourself, so they will go from liability to asset.  Fortunately, there is a Wal-Mart in nearly every town.  Granted, as time goes on the Wal-marts will be more and more stripped of supplies (depending on how many survivors there are), but then the later on you find survivors, the more likely they are to be well-equipped already.  Exchange zombie stories regarding their behavior and how to deal with them, as well as rumors or ideas about where to go to find more survivors.

Step 4 - Pick a destination.
This is probably the most critical decision you have to make, and it should be discussed in detail with the entire group.  I wouldn't do this until you've got at least 10 able-bodied survivors.  The most critical factor is a reliable source of fresh water.  You'll want to pick a small and relatively self-sustaining town, likely somewhere in the middle of the country near farmland and fairly distant from major cities.  You will have to grow your own food eventually.  If the town uses reservoir water, even better.  There also must be some way of protecting the town or creating a barrier, or else it would be better to keep moving.  Be sure to scout the town ahead of time as well, as it might be too infested or burned to the ground already.

Step 5 - Building a home.
Pick a centralized building and turn it into your base of operations.  Do a sweep of the building and clear it of any zombies you might find, then securely board up the windows.  This is the rally point in case you need to run somewhere secure or drop off survivors.

The most important thing you need for your newly re-founded city is more people.  Once you have agreed that your new home is defensible and able to support life without much outside support, it's time to advertise!  Send out a two-man team (always pair up, it helps your sanity and survivability) with spray cans and spray the message where it will be seen in every town you come to (again, Wal-Mart comes to mind).  "Rebuilding in Podunk, Kansas - go to town hall"  Be sure to send them to your base of operations so you can inspect them for bites and fill them in on the plans. 

Step 6 - Organize.
Form task forces with specific goals.  

Any military minded people or athletic types should be tasked with defense of the city, and this should be the largest group to start.  They will construct walls and other fortifications (using debris, cars, whatever is available) around the buildings you need for now.  You won't be able to defend the whole city without a large group of people... start with defending your "base" and expand out from there as you get more people.  This group will make cursory sweeps of the town initially, and eventually they'll clear individual buildings.  They'll also be in charge of the awful but necessary "zombie bonfires".  From this point on, it will be a good idea to burn anyone or anything that dies.

Your supply group will gather food and water and stockpile/prepare it at the base of operations.  This group, like all groups, will need armed guards just in case.  The rest of this group will be women and children, or those without much inclination to fight, but still want to help.  They'll also collect stockpiles of non-food items and siphon gas and such.  Supplies should be kept within the base and a careful inventory should be taken.  Members of this group should also concern themselves with how long supplies will last and rationing.  This group will become more important later on as supplies dwindle and population grows.

You'll need a scout group that checks out nearby towns and sprays the message.  These will likely be your bravest/cockiest/craziest people.  They'll spread out in every direction and gather what information they can about zombie migrations/threats to your base.  They'll also be the ones who get sent out to retrieve items from other towns.. for example if you need a new part to fix something that broke, or you need more ammo/hummers/etc.

Your tech. group will be the few people, if any, that know how to fix and use things like radios, water pumps, gas pumps, generators, etc.  These people are vital, so they should probably stay at base and be keeping things up and running.  They'll figure out the logistics of eventually getting power for the town, from what source, etc.

Each group will designate a leader (hopefully you are one of them), and you will decide cooperatively how to balance the needs of each group in order to support the whole community.  Hopefully this primitive system of government will eventually lead you to securing the whole town and finding ways to make it self-sustainable.  Given enough time and people, you could start inhabiting neighboring towns and clearing the roads between them for trade and such.  Sadly, at some point you will be faced with fact that your technology will eventually run out... you'll eventually run out of bullets, gas, and so forth.  Mankind will be set back many generations in the tech department, but it will recover over time.

This response got a bit long so I developed it into a full post, been a while anyway.

Looks like you missed this study from the conservative masterminds at... Harvard University.
http://www.ibdeditorials.com/IBDArticles.aspx?id=278808786575124

Don't forget about the 2004 campaign season, when the media rhetoric was deafening about this "horrible Bush economy".  Which just so happened to be ever so slightly better than the Clinton economy when he was running for re-election.. but you'll notice the media described the Clinton economy "slightly" differently.
http://www.businessandmedia.org/specialreports/2004/jobs_study/sr20041014exec_sum.asp

Now I didn't say the media hates America, but I did say they want conservatives to lose.  Unfortunately these misguided souls all believe they are doing the nation a service.. and they believe the ends will justify the means.  A little omission of a positive story here, a little pass given to a negative story there.  So it's not really even lying, but it is not really journalism either, or at least not what journalism was meant to be.  Do I think there is some mastermind behind it?  There doesn't really need to be... because essentially every media outlet reports on exactly the same things.  One network runs a Huckabee story for example, and the others figure they should run something too, usually using the exact same material.  It's the individuals in the networks, most of whom are individually biased, that are causing this effect.  The individual journalists that make the call on what stories to report and what stories to pass up... their choices are amplified by the sheer volume of the inevitable echo of the other networks chiming in with a carbon copy of the same story.  It is about money, and they do put out what they think people want to hear... but they live in such isolation from any conservative viewpoint, that they have pretty much missed the boat on about half of this money they are supposedly after.  This explains the booming success of Fox News despite its fairly well known reputation of right leaning bias... it's simply the other half of the equation balancing out the left leaning network news. 

"it happens that the scandals have been gop-centric since bush took office ... partly because presidential scandal is easy to find and partly because there are just some real fuck ups on the red side of the aisle in congress."

This is a wonderful example of how bias in the MSM can be damaging to the perception of a casual news absorber... and it is the only other possible conclusion one could reach on a steady diet of network news.  Clearly, there is some fundamental character defect that causes someone to become a conservative.  There is something wrong inside them, something dark and evil which makes them prone to scandal and mischief.  They are just worse people, and they must all be cheaters and liars, and cheating is the only way they come to power.  Oh to live in such a simple world of clearly defined good and evil!  Or you could take my approach and just generally expect that about 1 in 10 politicians has done something untoward or unnatural in their life, and just realize that not all of them are reported or even investigated. 

Remember Sandy Burger?  Aren't you at all curious as to what those documents he destroyed said?  Probably not, as that would look bad for your side... and that's exactly why this story became a non-story.  All these journalists aren't going to dig around and put in the extra effort to make their side, and their golden boy Clinton, look bad.  I can guarantee if Bush had sent somebody in to destroy classified documents to make himself look better during the 9/11 buildup, it would have literally been the story of the century.  Heads would have been rolling all over Washington.  Burger was fined $50,000, put on probation for 2 years, and had his security clearance stripped for 3 years.  No questions were raised by the media as to who put him up to this... even though the answer couldn't be more obvious (just guess which presidential candidate he's advising now).  Gee, I wonder if he had a hard time coming up with the 50 grand for that fine... or maybe "the family" helped him out.  Seems like a very small price to pay for censoring history don't you think?

You thought I was moderate?  I try to be fair as best I can, but I'm a conservative.  Lower those taxes and get government out of everything except national defense and law stuff.  Moderates are like metrosexuals... neither side really knows what to make of them or has much use for them.